Last Wish

 

 

The last magical genie lamp in the world was discovered by a starving hyena. He brushed it with his paw while skulking around his watering hole, waiting.  And so, the world’s last burst of magic went unobserved- except for a few biologists who noted the local gazelles had become fatter, slower, and much, much thirstier.

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Explanation for Everything

 

 

 

He tripped over his own feet, arms flying out for balance, sending diskettes flying.

 

“You’re such a clutz!” I said.

 

“I’m not clumsy!” he insisted. “My feet don’t function well in alternate dismensions.”

 

“Alternate dismension? This is a flat surface. On Earth.”

 

He rose, brushing the grit from his knees. ‘Yes. But it’s very rocky.”

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

Cowboy Up

 

He placed his hands against the grips of his pistols, gazing into the distance, admiring a herd of wild Mustang. He headed back toward his mount, silver spurs jingling with each step.

“Earth to Edward!” Carol from Accounting was waving a file in his face.

Ed blinked. He was brandishing two staplers.

“Yeehaw,” he whispered.

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

Little Sister

 

They sat side by side on the porch. .

"Stop it," he said.

"Stop it," she said.

"Seriously, quit!"

"Seriously, quit!"

He sighed, so she sighed as well.

"Listen, brat," he said, "give up now, or I'll end this infantile diversion with longwinded elitist  esoteric linguistic terminology."

She grinned.

"Better," he said.

"Better," she said.

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

I found myself in the DSM IV

 

I read  that people who are crazy don’t say things like, ‘Am I crazy?’  Inspired, I began asking everyone I met. The answer didn’t matter, who were they to judge? It was the asking that was reassuring. When I ran out of people, I asked their pets. Then their plants.

I sleep soundly every night.

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

The Biggest Loser


It had been a historic election. Never before had an incumbent president received so few electoral votes. Three to be exact, all from Alaska, the only state he had not visited during his campaign tour. Five hundred and thirty five for his challenger. Three for President Joseph Morgan. The word ‘landslide’ didn’t even come close.



By Lisa Parris


No News

It arrived by regular mail. The Old Man was eighty-two and suspicious of e-mail. He pecked out his letters on a battered Underwood. He recognized it immediately; a letter from his father. He studied the envelope awhile before opening it, avoiding the bad news. If it was good news The Old Man would have called.


By Lisa Parris



When in Rome

The goat had a distinctive taste. It was tough and smothered in barbeque sauce, which I suspected was applied in generous layers to conceal the taste of the meat. I chewed quickly, washing it down with beer, reminding myself that every effort had been made to make me feel included.

But I remained an outsider.


By Lisa Parris




Article Writer

I wake up every morning thinking of either a new story to write about or a new angle for an old story. Any bit of news or unusual event is inspiration to puff up a piece and stick it on the net under my byline. I write about everything and anything I can. It’s exhausting.


By Lisa Parris




First Date

I sat in the passenger seat, wearing my most alluring kiss me face. I pouted my lips and slightly closed my eyes, letting them glaze over, waiting…

My date announced that he had fun but it was getting late so…. he patted my shoulder and shoved me out the door.

Not into me? No kidding.



By Lisa Parris

Career Choices
Joe pondered his future. He wanted to be a private investigator, but he didn't like the idea of giving people a legitimate reason to call him 'dick'. So many did it anyway. Too bad he couldn't make a career out of hating his ex-wife, it seemed to be the only thing he was good at.

By Lisa Parris



Shadow Sounds
Sometimes she hears footsteps. She knows they're coming. But sometimes they make no sound, moving like her shadow when it runs down the steps behind her. She can't outrun it, even when she tries.

They come in quick. So she goes away in her head and lets them be the parents of some other girl.


By Lisa Parris


Alchemy


He studied Alchemy determined to discover The Elixir of Life. He knew his time on Earth was limited- as is everyone's. With each passing day he grew more dedicated to the task- convinced he could master the art.

All his efforts were in vain.

'It doesn't matter' he said, but in his heart, it did.



By Lisa Parris


The Shepherd and the sheep


If I became a monster today and decided to kill them - one by one, they would only become aware after most of them had been slaughtered. They trust me and they've forgotten how to rely on their own instincts- because I lead them. I lead them and they follow without bothering to wonder why.


By Lisa Parris


Dream What You Will

People are capable, at any point in their lives, of doing exactly what they dream of doing. They just don't know it. They begin to see each day the same, unwilling or unable to recognize the good that happens every day the sun rises. As long as you breathe, there is still time for you.


By Lisa Parris

Climb Every Mountain

 

He knew he was dying and should do something to save himself, but couldn't think what.  He struggled to breathe. Humans weren't meant for this altitude. Thankfully, he no longer felt cold.  He'd been tired such a long time; it was good to rest. His only sadness was in knowing he'd never reach the summit.  

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

Morning Train

 

A skinny young woman with a large, red faced baby squeezed her way down the train. No one stood up for her. The crying child was held in place on her hip by the surrounding bodies. I gestured to her and stood up. She took my place without thanking me. Now I could feel virtuous.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

The Hands of Time

 

When summer comes, time slows down. Some days it stops completely. They grey sky turns into an ocean of blue so brilliant, you can't help but lose yourself in it. On July 1st, I tell myself, 'This perfect afternoon will never end.'

          I believe this with all my heart.  I'm good at telling myself lies.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

The Talk

 

He sits silently across the table. I'm not afraid, but I don't want him to say anything else. I realize now, when he finishes talking, there will be a before and an after. I will never be the same person I was.

          It's probably the same feeling Eve had as she bit into the apple.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

A Taste of Spring

 

Spring tastes like Fiddleheads, green and crisp and new. I was supposed to be picking them, but I was too busy eating them. I couldn't help it.  I thought about Mama serving them, fried up in butter. Licking my lips, I grinned shoving another handful in my mouth. This might take longer than I thought.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

Behind Every Beautiful, Available Woman, is a Man who’s Sick of her Bullshit.

 

‘Say it again,’ she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

‘I love you,’ he said.  He traced her curves in the moonlight.

‘If you mean it…Say it again,’ she whispered.

‘I love you,’ he said.

‘One more time’ she whispered

‘I love you,’ he said

‘Say it again.’

‘Ok, now you’re just being annoying…’

 

 

 

 

Love in the Cafeteria

 

 

‘I love her,’ the psychologist thought. He stole another furtive glance across the faculty lunchroom. ‘But does she love me? Or is it simply psychological projection?’

 

‘I love him,’ thought the archaeologist, briefly making eye contact. ‘But does he love me?’ After he left, she sorted though the remains of his lunch, searching for clues.

 

 

 

 

 

The Trouble with Silence

 

She coughed, shifting in her seat, uneasy.

 

He shredded his napkin.

"So, you work in radio?" she said. "What’s that like?"

"It's good," he said. "See… You want continuous, high-quality content, but most importantly you want to avoid dead air."

"Huh," she said. "Dead air."

"Yeah."

"Huh."

They examined their menus for the hundredth time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part of That World

 

 

 

Two fish swam in the sunny end of their pool, looking at the surface.

"I wonder when the human will return," said Koi.

"I wish I was human," murmured Angelfish. "Then I’d have an endless supply of fish pellets."

Koi shook his head. "Not me. I see their world full of ripples. No, thanks! "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time is Running Out

 

 

He wasn’t sure what was coming; whether the world was approaching a clash of religious ideologies or a military collision between superpowers. All he knew was the oil was running out.

 

With that knowledge, the world looked fragile. He could feel something on the horizon… a correction.  The whole of everything was about to collapse.

 

 

An Octo-party

 

 

One thousand leagues under the sea, the octopus chef was busily baking the holiday octo-pies in preparation for the evening’s festivities. They emerged steaming from the oven, golden crusty overflowing with mouth watering krill.

 

The party was a swimming success.  Strictly A-list.

 

Sharks, uninvited, cruised the perimeter, waiting for bits of crust to float past.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Architecture of Family

 

‘I saw the most amazing thing today!’ she said.  ‘On my way home, I drove past this old barn. It was just sitting there; all dilapidated, teetering on the verge of collapse, like some sprawling creature drunk on nostalgia.

 

‘Wow’, he said. ‘That is amazing’

 

She nodded.

 

‘You found a barn just like your mother.’

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

A New Boss for the Museum

 

 

The new museum director stomped into the collections department.

 

 ‘Here's the problem,’ she said, tapping a sharply filed nail on a label. ‘These Latin names are intentionally obscure! Ornithorhynchus anatinus? Haliaeetus albicilla? It’s boring, elitist., esoteric bullshit!

 

‘Fix it,’ she barked, and marched from the room.

 

‘Canis familiaris,’ mumbled a curator.

 

‘Nephelopsis obscura,’ muttered another.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

What did you get for Christmas?

 

 

‘What did your mom send?’ she asked.

 

He grinned, pulling the sweater over his head.

 

‘It's too big!’ she laughed. ‘Your fingers barely poke out of the sleeves.’

 

He laughed, too.

 

After she left, alone with the night he snuggled into the warm wool, losing himself to memories of the long ago feeling of smallness.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

Calamari, anyone?

 

 

Pete considered himself an amateur marine biologist. By day he worked at Kinko’s, by night he devoured book after book on aquatic life. One evening, he stumbled across an article describing the remarkable intelligence of squid.

 

They found him in his room, muttering senselessly, driven mad by thoughts of millions of cephalopods growing relentlessly smarter.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

It all goes so fast

 

 

 

She listens to the new mom wailing about the lack of sleep, wishing the baby would hurry and grow a bit older. She wants to interrupt and say- slow down!  You'll blink and your tiny baby will be planning a life that has nothing to do with you. And you'll have to resort to cats.

 

 

 

Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

True Love's First Kiss

 

 

Their lips locked in a magical kiss. The exquisite moment of passion seemed to flower through a thousand years. At last he stepped away breaking the spell. Demurely she looked down, smiling. As her scream of agonized realization faded the sorcerer blew away the dust and watched as her skeleton crumbled.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

Popping the Question

 

 

Drawing a deep breath, I tried to get my nerves under control. I knew what she would say… I was pretty sure, anyway. I stepped around a puddle and stopped. Bent on my  knee, I took her hand and looked up into her puzzled eyes.

 

"Will you divorce me?"

 

"Oh yes! Of course I will!"

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

All in Good Fun

 

 

 

What a great party! So many people, some I hardly recognize… still they are here. It's odd though- people seem to like me more now.

 

I really wish they would be quiet, then they would hear me knocking and shouting. I'm feeling kind of desperate, but can you blame me?  Nobody enjoys being buried alive.

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How the Rich Stay Wealthy

 

 

Natalie thought she might burst with excitement.

 

What can it be? What did I get?

 

She tugged the ribbon, ripping the parcel, shredding the paper.

 

Opening the box, she gasped, eyes wide.

 

Her wealthy old Aunt smiled, "Do you like it?"

 

She forced a smile. "Slipper socks. Just what I wanted."

 

 

You tight old biddy.

 

 

By Lisa Parris

Can't Sleep

 

 

He couldn’t sleep. Not that unusual, it happens.

 

That’s what he told himself for the first six months.

 

A mild problem grew steadily worse. After a year, he wondered what it’d be like to spend his remaining years in a permanent state of bleary-eyed wakefulness.

 

Insomnia was supposed to be the symptom, not the disease.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Old Biddy

 

 

Old Mrs. Porter was headed her way, scowling, but saying nothing. Dena ducked her head, engrossed in the spider plant hanging on the porch, until the old woman had travelled further down the sidewalk.

 

Mrs. Porter was 82 and could still have found work training Marines at Paris Island. Dena was not in the mood.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vow of Silence

 

When he was a child, Marcus stopped speaking for a year, just to see if he could.

 

His parents quickly moved from angry to alarmed. When the year was up, he sat at the breakfast table- the words bubbling up, then boiling over.

 

Initially relieved, his parents sometimes wished he’d go back to being mute.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

Career Choices

 

 

She doesn’t believe in careers. So she has three part-time jobs, none of which she cares about. She tells herself she is saving to travel. Or for car. Or a computer.  She’s saving for something,  some indistinct future. And when it presents itself, she’ll be ready. Besides, the jobs soak up endless minutes of time.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Satisfaction Brought Him Back

 

He heard her voice: ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’

 

Didn’t he have eight more lives to burn? He crept inside the sack.

 

Instant darkness.  A swing. A splash. Water- so cold!

 

It took hours to get free and stagger home. He was on the porch when she found him.

 

Her scream could be heard for miles.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

Finding Your Way in the Dark

 

 

She gazed up at the stars under a moonless sky, searching for guideposts in darkness.

 

She located ‘The Big Dipper’. Forming a loose fist, her thumb and pinky extended, she placed her thumb on the lip of Ursa Major. Her pinky now rested on Polaris, the North Star.

 

She could find her way after all.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

Reverse Metabolism

 

 

 

Mom has a curious relationship with caffeine. Instead of jangling her nerves, hot cups of coffee soothe her, the way shots of whiskey soothe my grandmother. If she hasn’t downed eight cups by bedtime, she lies awake, unable to sleep.

 

When she went from eight cups a day to twenty, I knew something was up.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

Daytime Talk Show Lunatics

 

 

I sat handcuffed to a desk, held at gunpoint.

 

“My childhood was cold, loveless…” the maniac said.

 

My fear of death turned to dread that this man would torment me with a droning account of victimization.

 

I was being held hostage by a Jerry Springer reject.

 

I prayed for a swift end to my suffering. 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harelquinaphobia

 

Mr. Bubbles, Crinkles, and Honker entered the center ring, their giant shoes slapping the ground; baggy polka dot pants, orange wigs. I wanted to throw my head back and scream. The only thing that stopped me was the conviction that if I did, the clowns would scream wildly with me, honking horns, and blowing whistles.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

Heirlooms

 

He stood beside the silently bed, watching her sleep. She was the answer to his every prayer, a greater blessing then he had ever dared to hope for. He gently slipped the cameo pendant around her neck, fastened the catch; a gift from his grandmother.

 

Delicate but indestructible. Beauty enduring. The profile of love everlasting.

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

Tomb Raider

 

 

Despite our clever, subtle sabotage; the archaeologists discovered the tomb buried in the sands of time.

 

They gasped at intricate hieroglyphs, itemized the sarcophagus baubles, and left.

 

That night, ancient parchment in hand, we pressed the concealed levers. The hidden door swayed open revealing the true royal treasure beyond.

 

We had just become wealthy men.

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

The Ex- Files

 

 

I see my ex-girlfriend at the party. Our eyes meet, the reasons we broke up disappear. Passion pulls us toward each other. We collide, dancing briefly before adjourning to the bedroom.

 

Later, she vanishes. Wanting a kiss, I look for her.

 

She’s in the bedroom with three guys.

 

Now I remember. She’s a cheating whore.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caught

 

 

He could scream all he liked.

 

They were underground, an ancient unknown place, and he was being punished. Blood dripped onto the earth floor. He could hear sounds like distant voices. Ghosts, he thought; shrieks and laughter, the sounds of a good night out. He was mistaken: he was having a very bad night in.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funny How Things Turn Out

 

 

It was strange the shape your life could take.

 

You might be loved as a child and go bad, or have monsters for parents but turn out fine. He’d been cherished and abandon in equal measure. And he had turned out, what?  Normal, or what passed for it. But his brother… that was another story.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember When

 

‘Remember close-n-play records?’

 

Jessica groaned. She was 30 younger than anyone on the team. Whenever she had an idea, they’d start the nostalgia talk, creating conversations that shut her out.

 

She’d had enough. ‘Wow. When I’m sitting around reminiscing about Bratz, you’ll all be dead or in nursing homes.’

 

They never mentioned close-and-play records again.

 

 

 

 

By Lisa Parris

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a New Girl In Town

 

 

There was a new kitty in town.

 

Tiger already had a girl, but Snowflake wasn’t as frisky as she used to be. He decided to trade up.

 

Tiger ran after the new girl, but a racing Mustang squashed his dreams.

 

Snowflake looked at her philandering boyfriend, flattened in the street.

 

“He was getting old anyway.”